The DNR
by ChalexForever
Summary: A closer look into how Alex was feeling about Charlie's DNR. One shot. Maybe more if requested.


The air was cold and hostile. I sat across from my fiance's ex wife and stared at her trying to convince her to change her mind. "Don't do this." I finally croaked out breaking the silence.

"Save it for the hearing." She said with a level of hostility but underlying regret in her voice. Her blue eyes piercing.

"It's not what Charlie wants." I try to convince her. She's not buying it.

The lawyer walks in and introduces himself. "We are here to discuss who most accurately displays the wishes of Dr. Charles Harris. Dr. Bell," He turns to the blonde across the table from me. "Since you submitted your application first you will be presenting first. Then, Dr. Reid, you will be able to supply your rebuttal. No cross talk. Okay let's begin." Dawn begin to make her peace.

"Dr. Reid doesn't want to do anything because she can't bear to let him go. She is close to see what is right in front of her."

"How? How can you be too close to the person you love?" I stop for a second to regain my composure. "Two months ago you came to me you told me to try everything. Now, I'm doing all of that... Why? Why the 180?"

"Because the truth is, we have tried everything and he just keeps deteriorating."

~~~~ Two Months Ago~~~~

I walked out of the elevator as I was ending my shift. Charlie has been his coma for about a week now. I looked to his room about to walk in, when I see an all too familiar my face sitting next to my fiance's bedside. I stand next to the reception desk for a second thinking about how I am going to go about talking to her about this. My best friend at the hospital, Melanda Tolliver, walked up behind me.

"Is that who I think it is?" She asked staring into the room as I was.

"Yep. Charlie's ex wife." I say confirming with her and myself. I finally mustered up the courage to walk into the room.

"Alex." She says standing, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I heard and I was in town for a conference. I'm sorry. Wow. This is awkward."

"No. You're here to see Charlie. I think that's great."

"Alex. Are you doing everything you can for Charlie?"

"Of course I am." I chuckle slightly at the fact she thought I'd given up on Charlie after a week.

"Has he been started on coma arousal therapy."

I roll my eyes. "We are doing everything, Dawn."

"No, you are doing everything you know how to do. It's not the same thing. I have to get back to get back to my conference." She walks out of the room and I roll my eyes as she walks away and look back to Charlie. I sit down in the chair next to him and chair.

~~~~Reality~~~~

"On the day of the crash he came to me and asked me how many kids I wanted to have. I can feel that Charlie is still here and I believe he would want to be kept alive. I have patient extracts on two of his patients that became comatose. They show that he was supportive of a full code status."

"Do you have the consent to release this patient information?"

"I do." I hand over the release form.

"Okay. I will have some time to think it over and I will call you all back in." He releases us and we will come back to find out who won the case. It is going to be an agonizingly long day.

I'm not sure if the universe hates me or I'm just a really unlucky person but I had to work on a case with Dawn on a case today. I thought I was going to stab her with the scalpel in the OR. We ended up saving the patient together which was great that we saved a life.

"Alex..." She sighs before we are about to walk again.

I shake my head. "I'll see you in there."

"As you know," the lawyer begins, "in the eyes of the court a fiance and an ex wife are considered equals. Now I found the person that is most capable of pursuing the wishes of Dr. Harris is Dr. Bell." He rips it off like a bandage. "I'm sorry Dr. Reid but sometimes our feelings can't be our guide." Dawn gets up and walks out along with the lawyer.

I feel like all the life I had just got sucked out of me and there's not much more I can do. It's over I lost. I finally manage to find the energy to pick myself up out of the chair. With every step I take it becomes harder and harder to move. My feet becoming heavier and heavier my legs start to refuse to move. I finally managed to get into my car and drive back to the hospital. One step at a time. It will all be fine. Just keep moving and just keep breathing. I say to myself just to keep me moving. I sit staring straight ahead thinking. I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to face this? He was the love of my life and now I'm losing him. Joel, one of the doctors at the hospital, comes to sit next to me. "I lost." I finally manage to sputter out. "The hearing. I lost."

"I'm sorry. I honestly don't think I'm the person to talk to right now." He said rubbing my back.

"I'm terrified. I am terrified that she's going to pull the plug." I say breathy ignoring what he said about not wanting to talk.

"Alex. I know this is completely out of line. but I still... Alex, I still..." He tries to speak but the words aren't there. I knew exactly what he was going to say. We dated in Medical School.

"Stop. Please. Not now." I couldn't deal with that. Along with everything else... He got up and walked away. I sat there for a little while longer.

I sat there until I heard an announcement. "Code Blue ICU Room 3. Code Blue ICU Room 3." I immediately perked up my head from where it sat between my hands. Charlie. I ran straight into his room yelling at people to move as I ran at a sprint.

"How long has he been in defib?" I asked quickly kicking off my shoes to begin compressions. My blood was running cold, tears were pouring from my eyes. If this what it I had nothing left. This couldn't be it. "Come on, Charlie." I whispered under my breath. "Come on baby."

"Alex you have to get off." Melanda said holding the defibrillator in her hands ready to shock. "Clear." She yelled placing the paddles on his chest. Nothing. I began compressions again.

"Stop." I hear Dawn yell walking into the room. Everyone does so except for me.

"Melanda do it." I say sternly pointing to Charlie's chest. She hesitates. "Melanda! Do it!" I telly as she places the paddles to his chest. I watch the monitor for any signs of life and hear it beep in systematic rhythms. The whole room breathes a sigh of relief.

"Did you break his ribs?" I check his ribs and shake my head no. "Because next time you will." She continues.

"He's okay now Dawn." I try to reason.

"No, he's not. I would like you to take him off the vent."

"No." My heart skips a beat. I pull her out into the hallway. "Don't do this. You don't have to do this. Change your mind."

"I can see that you're in pain and I know that your heart..." she sighs through tear stained eyes. I keep trying to interrupt her be she just ignores me."...is breaking but so is mine. Because I still love him. And I will always love him. I know you don't want to hear that eight but that is true." She stops and sighs shakily. She walks away to give me some time alone before they remove him from the ventilator.

My whole world just shattered before me. "Charlie," I sat down on his bed. "I don't know how to do this and I don't know what to do. Because I feel like I'm giving up on you. And I am not giving up on you." My words become slower as the tears pour harder down my face. This is it. I run my other hand through his dirty blonde hair as my tears pour onto his hand.

Dawn walks in slowly. "Alex, its time."

I nod and grab his hands. "I'm gonna miss your hands." The machines wail to alert everyone that the machine has been turned off. I have seen this a thousand times but for some reason this time it's different. It doesn't look the same. It doesn't feel the same. "Charlie, can you hear me?" This not how I remember it. You see it a thousand times but even if you think you're prepared for what's about to happen. You're not...


End file.
